The Amateur Writer

This is going to be a somewhat depressing post so bear with me.

Today my friends from Shah Alam left for Christchurch where they will fly back to Malaysia in two days time. Just like every student who is studying overseas, you will come to a point in your life where you have to see "home" drive away from you. And that is the worst feeling ever. My first time was when I watched my family drove away and left me at Toroa. And today I watched my friends drove away; leaving me alone...back to my empty flat.

I never really indulge in the feelings that I have felt while living here in New Zealand. Because I don't see the point in entertaining them because it will make me feel worse. And I don't need any more self-pitying because it will not get my anywhere since I have to rely on myself to move on with life.

However I do believe in giving myself a break. And this is it. I need to write it out so I can move on and face Monday. Haha.

I am fortunate to have establish such wonderful relationships in my life. I have an amazing family where we love each other very much. I am known to be a daddy's girl and the bond that I have with my mother is really special. My siblings and I are becoming more closer than before now that we are all living apart. I also have amazing friends. I'm lucky to have friendships that I can safely say that will last me a lifetime. I've known these people since elementary school and we have gone through many obstacles together. To me, this is home. My family and friends are two non-interchangeable elements for one without the other, is not complete for me.  This is where I truly belong regardless where I am in this world.

But 3 years ago I left home to pursue my goals. And that meant stepping out of my comfort zone. By doing so I changed as a person. One may argue that instead of change, I just grew as a person but for the sake of this post I do like to think that I have changed. My outlook on life and its works have greatly changed. And now that girl I know three years ago is gone. I have pondered about this before my friends came to visit. I wondered whether I like how I turned out.

To a certain degree, I feel sad that I'm no longer that girl anymore.

I'm no longer carefree, emotional...and genuine.

I thought I have lost her forever.

But who knew a slice of home could fix you up right away! Soon enough, I found myself reverting back to the old Safia that I knew. I no longer had to defend my opinions or depend on myself. These people took care of me like how a family member would. Heck I've never been taken care of like this in New Zealand like...ever!

Also it really hits home when you come back to the flat and have home cooked meal on the table and people calling you "Safia". I always get that fuzzy feeling when my loved ones call me Safia. Weird, I know!